Live/Work Blog

Hello again

Lot’s been happening since last time. I’ll fill you in. We’ve had Belgians. Seven of them. “Why Belgians, and why seven?” do I hear you gasp? Well, OK, they came to see the place we live, because they want to do the same. HI and I live in a community - it’s called cohousing and it’s a balance between the archetypal commune (never-ending nut roast and New Age Spam (aka tofu), and not a sodding chocolate to be had anywhere, unless you leg it for two miles to the offy) and the individual ghettos we are creating for ourselves (pizzaindiandonorkebabchowmeinchips at the door and the 917^th episode of Lost on the box).

Anyway, they wanted to look, so we let them. In return, they produced some stupendous (and stupefying) desserts and brought two large crates of Biological Belgian beer. Say that after three bottles. We managed to get through it. Must say, they were a bit rude about our stuff - something about it being too watery. Trouble with some people: they just can’t appreciate the finer points of warm and slightly tired pale ale in a dodgy glass, served by a surly barman in a packed pub with the football going full tilt - at least what you can see of it through the haze.

I’m realising that this has been all about food and drink so far. So now for something completely different. I was going through some old papers the other day - I think it’s now called de-cluttering - and I came across a report I’d helped to write on Work:Life Balance. Remember that? It was big a few years ago. It led me to ponder on how on earth we can have a healthy work:life balance if we’re all scrabbling for a better job, higher salary, smarter car, big house, holiday home in Andalucia, kids in private schools, au pair, cleaner, catered dinners, Maldives Christmas, gym, nips and tucks, and colonic irrigation on Wednesdays? We’re all too damn greedy! Aren’t we?! And no wonder we’re collectively supporting an army of aromatherapists, concierges, personal fitness trainers and astrologers. Not to mention the diet dictators.

So how does work:life relate to live:work? Are we any more likely to strike a sustainable work:life balance if we work from home or in a live:work unit, as opposed to an Office? What do you think? Let me know.

The FBBs (my cats the Fabulous Burmese Boys) have been at it again. Not so much the looooooooooooong words but chewing. Anything vaguely important is best, like some report an anally retentive client reluctantly lent you to look at, or the bound copy of the Company Accounts, now resplendent with random rows of incisions all round the edge, like lace produced by confused death watch beetles.

I promised you Naked Typing. First thing this morning, the sun woke me up and I thought: I’ll just nip downstairs and do that Intro I’ve been thinking about all yesterday. Nobody about, it’s that magic moment: creation in the buff. Off I went, sat in the Black Vinyl Command Post (£59.99 from Viking) and after a while noticed how the seat stuck to my bum. Quite a pleasant feeling actually! Made mental note to discuss with therapist. A few hours later (computers totally absorb time, don’t they, like semi-intelligent J-cloths) and there I was, also completely absorbed, but unbeknownst to me, the world had stirred. I realised I’d forgotten to draw the blind and wondered if the grumpy old lady opposite (the one whose curtains suffer from St Vitus’ Dance) had seen anything of interest. Made mental note to discuss narcissism with therapist.

I’d now like to engage you in an important survey project: the Max Comfort Intensive Displacement Activity Log (IDAL). Here are some of the key initial findings, please add to them when you‘ve got a spare moment.

• Hanging out the washing combined with inspecting the weed collection.
• Listening to the Radio 4 One O’clock News.
• Listening to whatever is on after the Radio 4 One O’clock News.
• Listening to Radio 4.
• Rearranging the filing “system” (but not actually doing any).
• Checking to see which clients still haven’t settled their bills.
• Ringing Adam/Bill/Charles/David/Edward/Fred/etc to arrange impromptu lunch.
• Going through the diary to see what you’ve got on next week.
• Writing a long detailed list of all the things you’ve going to do - next week.

So, what do you think? Will there be office blocks in 14 years time? And what on earth do they do in them anyway? There’s a large new, glass-clad one at Paddington Station and every time I go by in the train all the windows are filled with people looking at screens or, occasionally, at each other round tables. Is that work, I wonder? What the hell is this nation actually making these days? Can you make stuff in office blocks? When the US is a colony of China (it already is economically) and we’re a Third World State, where will we get our double decaff skinny frappuchino with wings?

HI and I have been going through the finances. It’s reassuring to know how much the bank is investing in us. After the second large liquid restorative, we got to talking about the relative merits of working from home as opposed to an office, and came up with some rather good financial reasons for staying put.

• only one mortgage/rent/heating bill/rates/insurance etc
• hardly use the car/lower commuting costs
• nearly every journey tax deductible
• lower outlay on Armani suits (and Prada shoes says HI with sigh)
• more control over your cashflow - work more when you choose
• cheaper latte.

And of course, there are many other benefits of live:work, like not having to do important errands at lunch time when every man and his ipod is queuing for the bank, post office, sandwich bar, tattoo parlour. And train journeys become a treat if you don’t have to make them day in, day out. Taking a nap. Sunbathing when there is sun. Sex in the afternoon.

Next time: how we are destroying Time, and the three Golden Rules of Networking.

Finally: did you ever hear of anyone on their death bed wishing in their dying breath that they’d spent more time at the office?

See you!