Live/Work Blog

Now the weather’s iffy and the soil claggy, of course I’ve started work on The Garden. We’re perched on the side of a steep hillside with tall trees behind and great views out front. The Garden - now a fully fledged Project (with Her Indoors’ approval) - is a small overshadowed strip, mostly sunless and not very inviting. Well, I don’t feel terribly invited but that may have something to do with the requirement to wield a sodding great club hammer and swing a pickaxe on a Sunday morning when I should really be communing with the Lie-in Angels. You know the ones: they have this knack of transforming all those “must-dos” into mere inconsequence, pure irrelevance. They come from the same top-storey department as the DA Angels (Displacement Activity to you).

So, it’s coming along - slowly of course, no point in rushing something you enjoy. Gardening is a bit like Tantric Sex - lots of heavy breathing and masses of delayed gratification. If you’ve got any ideas on how to liven up a damp, dark corner (of the garden) let me know. I’m still waiting for some responses on the notion of garden offices - is there anybody out there (in the shed in the garden)? Hello!!

And did you ask yourself that question? Yes, you know the one. Don’t pretend you missed it! “Why do we work?” I’ve been giving it some thought and I’ve come up with the following reasons:

1. To make money: to pay for our basic needs; to pay others to do things we could do ourselves; because we define Abundance as having lots of lolly.
2. To be fulfilled: to have a purpose, a role - however small; to bring meaning into our existence; to have work be a tool for self-development.
3. To experience community and relationships: many of us meet our life partners at work; to be part of the team; to combat loneliness and isolation; to belong; to learn about the differences between ourselves and others.
4. To get to exercise power: if not at home, maybe at work; to work out some of our childhood stuff on others; to experience our competitiveness and - sometimes - aggression; to learn how not to use the power we have.
5. To develop status and recognition: to make a name for ourselves; to attain respect; to reinforce our self-esteem and confidence.
6. To serve: there is so much that needs to be done, so we need to do it!
7. To experience creativity: making things; helping other achieve their goals; building a business; experiencing shared creativity; experiencing completion.
8. To hide from the awesomeness of our true purpose: having an impossible project to dream about; not having to risk being who we truly are; avoiding what we are really passionate about doing.

So, why do you work? Think about it. Then let me know.

I promised you something on little green men and my special relationship with them. You see, I see them everywhere and they see me coming too. Now then, we’re not talking Mekons here - they were the little guys that gave Dan Dare a hard time. (By the way anyone reading this who can actually remember Dan Dare: congratulations for making it so far! You’re a survivor! Mazel tof!) No, we’re talking about the little green men who inhabit the road crossing lights. I find nearly all the time that when I walk up to the lights to cross the road, just as soon as I get there, the little red man disappears and the little green man comes on. Sometimes I just carry on, striding from one side to the other, without slowing my pace. It may sound mad, but actually it’s about trust: trusting that your day is going to be great and full of fun and adventure. Every morning I expect a fantastic day and most days I get one. It just flows! So, one day soon, at a main road near you, take your trust on a test run! But please don’t step off the curb without looking! Check for the little green man first.

Finally, do you love your mobile and hate every one else’s? Go on, be honest! Don’t you just hate it when you get on the train after a hard day in town and you settle down to a peaceful double G&T (and crisps), and then the bloody chorus starts: “Darling, I’m on the train!” “Hello darling, I’m on the train.” “Sweetie, I’m on the train!”. Why do they do it? Are they announcing a miracle? Will “Darling” go down on her knees and give thanks to her current spiritual icon for the fact that that jerk is on the train? No! He’s always on that bloody train. And he interrupted “Neighbours”. Of course, you never do that, do you?

Is it just me, or do you find the mobile conversations people have in public really banal? And, naturally, while they’re going on about their boyfriend’s bum or their latest pair of shoes, or giving a long and wordy set of instructions to some hapless minion (voice slightly raised for this you note), what do they do? They strut about, chin up, elbow raised, looking for all the world like Charlie Chaplin in the “Great Dictator”.

Then there’s the fact that you can’t hide. You’re exposed to any Tom Dick or Harriet phoning you at any time, particularly the Tom who’s chasing you for that report you haven’t written yet. You could of course turn it off but then you might miss a nice call. God, life’s hard!

But of course, you’re right, mobiles are brilliant for some things (not, by the way, that you approve at all of putting masts near schools or Areas of Outstanding Natural Beauty. Or your house. Oh no.), like when you’re running late for a meeting, you forgot to turn the gas off under the breakfast bacon Darling, or when you are not actually “on the train Sweetie”.

By the way, have you ever had a mobile call while you’re on the loo? Can be dodgy. First of all you have to extract the bloody thing before it becomes a “Missed Call”. Then you have to make sure there are no sound effects - difficult if you’re one of many in a row of open-bottomed cubicles! And have you noticed that you always get calls that require you to consult your diary at the most awkward moment possible, like hanging on for grim death on one of those ghastly bendy buses or signing your life away on the silly little ledge at the bank? I imagine, in a few millennia, we’ll all have evolved third arms and hands for just that eventuality.

Bring back telegrams!

Well, that’s all folks. For now. I’m not promising anything for next time until I’ve had some responses from you lot. Remain silent and face the awful possibility of more of Max’s Musings. Respond, and we might get back on track. Now, what was that?